This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i think i have herpe
just one?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize