When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
