I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize