best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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