kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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