What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
