there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
