So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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