Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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