I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
