I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
