Sponge bath it is.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
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