then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
