I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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