I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
