my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
