I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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