Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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