You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
