I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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