Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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