i permit you to call me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
