A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
