then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize