That's intense
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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