everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize