Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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