You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize