i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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