Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
