he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
