the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
