uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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