i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
