She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This beer is not sobering me up at all
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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