I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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