I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
