your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
