okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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