He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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