dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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