absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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