So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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