Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
