I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
