dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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