chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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