I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
