I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
