nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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