i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Im part way to drunk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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