i just had sex bonerless
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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