i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
