I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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