I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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