im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Floor bacon is actually really good
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
