Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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