how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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