bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
