you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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