you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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