Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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