So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
