i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
