ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
