I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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