I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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