i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
