I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What drink are we having for lunch?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
