But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
