i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
