Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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