So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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